Ever found yourself rushing to sin? Avoiding anything that could be considered a thought process. I often watch how I and others around me who have a tendency to overeat will tear through a meal without really taking any time. I could use the excuse I came from a big family (I did), or I was in the military and meal times were short (I was and they were), but to be honest I rush because I want to get as much food in my stomach as I can before I start to get that full feeling. I know well the stomach discomfort that will come in about an hour, but I don’t think about that especially when considering how much I like food. Greasy food at that.
As I sit there bemoaning the crappy feeling I have from pigging out it is easy to see the comparison to how I complain about my sin after I have rushed into it. My stomach is turning, I have an overall bad feeling, and I can clearly look back and say I shouldn’t have done that. Hind site is 20/20. Contemplation about my sin is easy after the fact, and even though I know these things I realize that if I rush tomorrow I will be able to defeat the safety valve in me called the Holy Spirit. I think part of my plan is not to plan. I just seem to find myself in situations that are temptations, surprised as though I didn’t know it would cause me to stumble.
In relation to food I will skip breakfast, not have anything to eat at work, realize that I am hungry and there is nothing to satisfy my hunger so I have to stop by the McDonald’s (YES!), or if I am feeling healthy I will get a Chic-fil-a bagel sandwich (with combo – diet coke though). A perfect plan, no plan. How often do I make preparations to sin? I will not pray, not consider my walk, and not have a relationship with anyone who might point out that I am sinning (how inconvenient they are), and finally not be familiar with any scripture that points out what sin is. Perfect plan, no plan.
I could diet (not sin so much), eat better (read scripture), plan out my meals (pray at certain times) or I could just get liposuction (gouge out my right eye). There are many fad diet books that promise to help you lose tens of pounds and build your self esteem. All the bible offers is a long term diet and words that don’t really build my self esteem all the time. Truth is I am fat.
My stomach is grumbling… do you hear it Lord… help me.
Interesting. Life is a balance of 2 forces of suffering (love the platitudes…I feel like a total chump when I make them), you either suffer through discipline or you suffer in regret.
I don’t like to fast. It is the complete antithesis of everything you mentioned above. It is a slow, tedious process of denying yourself and begrudgingly being directed to God. It is walking past the buffet of idols in this life and finding out that you are starving. It is the sprints that you have to run after practice when you’re already tired. It is balancing your checkbook. It is waiting in a ridiculous long line for the toilet rather than peeing your pants. It is weird.
Fasting is a pill because it’s not enough to deny sin, but you are denying stuff that is actually good and beneficial in its proper context. Why can’t I just “not do xyz sin for a day” and ride the proverbial pine whilst my tank of self-righteousness refills itself? Why do I have to pass up the gatorade too?
That being said. It is the best thing for me. The most painful part of fasting is that it is actively doing nothing. It is actively refusing the things that keep me distracted, comfortable, placated, etc… Whether a food fast or a media fast, I’m never so certain that it is right as when I am suffering under its discipline.
It has been a while since I have fasted anything. I have become so enamored with trying to find the right path that I have began to look straight at the ground… maybe now is a time to stop and ask directions…
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